A unicorn infestation and having the trap be a virgin tickles my fancy. I giggled over a few of the ways you had of getting rid of them. It reminded me of a show I watched some time back about the toad infestation in Australia. Often the point of view in that show was from the toad's point of view and was blackly humorous.
I think you got lost in the woods somewhere between something that could have been a rollicking laugh and a piece tarnished with crassness. I think you agree, or you wouldn't have added the warning. Maybe you can retrieve this from the back-burner pile and make it what it cries out to be--hilarious.