Page the Second


A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi. (In front of you, a precipice. Behind you, wolves.)

Friday, May 4, 2018

Dove UnLove

See. This woman's trying to throw the dove out the door too.

I've mentioned my dislike affair with doves, mostly in poetry. Yesterday I had reason to dislike them further:

Sometimes we have the door open for the dog to go out and come in. Today, instead of the dog, a DUMB dove flew in and got up in my bottles on the shelf and was strutting around knocking bottles off the shelf. Luckily none of the dye water-filled ones fell. But he wouldn’t get the heck off!!! I got the antenna I use for putting drawstrings through, and poked it and poked it but it kept trying to fly out the closed windows up there. Finally I got something else to force the bird onto the antenna and launched his butt out the door. As a result, my big blue bowl and a dainty red candle jar fell and shattered. I guess I’ll add them to my colored glass sculpture in a bit.

Possibly it was the same dove that was sitting on her nest in my plant hanger when I moved it to the tree. The dove left when I went to move it, leaving two little eggs. Those eggs were both in the nest all safe and sound when I left it. The mom sat up on the roof of our carport and screamed WHO WHO WHO at me. By the time my Hubs got home from work a few minutes later, the eggs were gone. Either something was so fast as to climb up there in ten or so minutes, or the smartest mommy dove in the world flew over there and got her eggs to safety somewhere on someone's car or shoe. So maybe it was the same irate mom dove that decimated my bottle display. Maybe she's the one who blasted my glass as well as pooping all over my newly made bench plus the family vans. Everywhere PooP!!! Plops of it all over the bench, porch, walk, cars, and windshields. And the windshields were HARD to clean off this time. It's all a plot, I tell you.

In fact, maybe she started all this because I was badmouthing doves for being so stupid that they only had one thing to say on a constant basis. Who? That's it. In one note, usually, although some of them slide lazily off to one more note. Doves are definitely NOT Mockingbirds, which are some of my favorites. Nope. Doves will build nests on your ladder. Or in your boot. Or on your car or a cupboard, or a palm tree, where the birdies slide right out and hit the ground. Clearly they've got a screw loose somewhere.

No idea how they got to be everybody's idea of a peace mascot, or the fav bird to have at weddings. I wonder how many of the dolts flew right into the cake when let free. Or how many ran right into the lights or got hit by the getaway car. I think the Mockingbird should be the mascot of peace. Because when they finally shut up after singing all night (sometimes I like lying in bed and listening to them, sometimes NOT), there is PEACE!!!

Lest you think I'm a horrible person who should be lynched for bird hatred, I'm not. I don't actually hate doves. I just think of them as flying rats. I'm just annoyed at the species right now for crimes perpetrated against me. Perhaps someday I'll meet a dove I like (for more than food). Until then, they need to prove their worth. So far it isn't happening...rofl

I can think of other things to add later. I'm blasted right now and heading off to bed because my eyes are closing on their own. Probably the dang bird flu.
I think my dad had the right idea. Fill them with enough shot and they can be worth something...rofl