Obstacles

I don't know if it's just because Murphys are warped, but we've decided that pro sports are too prosaic. They need OBSTACLES. For basketball, the hoop should raise and lower randomly and someone should be paid to stand right in the way and heckle. For bowling, a cat should be duct taped to the ball. For golf, there should be flamingos instead of clubs (Go Alice!). And for ice skating, the stuffed animals should be thrown onto the ice BEFORE the performance, not after. Also, hot pennies on the ice would work. Don't you think this would be a much more interesting (though sadistic) watching experience?