Here it goes:
You in your pumpkin-shaped bride dress
With the perfectly matching shoes
Why must there be such annoyance?
You've got zilch, zero, nothing to lose.
It's not like your sweet little bridegroom
Will stare in disgust at the gown
And notice there isn't a butt bow
And stomp off complaining and frown
He won't care if the flowers are pansies
Or acacia or lilies or rose
He won't care if the chairs all have covers
Or the toasts are all written in prose.
He just wants to make you his woman
And maybe have something to eat
Then he'll whisk you away to the hotel,
Have fun and then go soak his feet.
Back away from th' extravagant bride gown
You'll only be wearing it once
Then you'll stuff it away in a baggie
And pay like an overgrown dunce.
It's only one day in a million
You don't need to break the bank
It's as much for your parents as for you
Maybe they are the ones you should thank.
Your father's the one who will fork out
The money for each little thing
So before you decide to go crazy
Try treating him like a king.
Your mama's the one who looks frazzled
She's been run off her swollen red feet
You treat her with great condescension
And then expect her to be sweet
Your bridesmaids have gathered around you
They've helped out and gotten the dress
Please try not to make them look hideous
Don't cause them to yell due to stress.
Let's remember the reason for coming
Together on this fateful day
And be kind and perhaps understanding
That's all that I'm going to say.