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A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi. (In front of you, a precipice. Behind you, wolves.)

Monday, July 22, 2013

Bog Rolls and Boiling Frogs

I was thinking the other day about bog rolls (toilet paper for the uninitiated). In my humble opinion the quality of such has gotten steadily worse. We all deplore the lack of cohesiveness, its inability to do the job correctly, its relative expense versus its usefulness. Sure it's soft. Sure we can get rolls and rolls of it. But we have to use so much paper to do what previously few squares did, that economy goes right out the window. Makers of toilet paper are sacrificing utility for the almighty buck.

Which seems to be exactly what is happening in our country. We've become a one-ply country where once we were a staunch two-ply place. Our makers have touted the cushy softness of a one-ply government, while slyly stealing away that whole extra ply to use for themselves. And they couldn't care less that we are left with nothing but shreds and holes.

We have dealt with substandard bog roll for so long, now, that we no longer understand how to stand up and demand that they stop making junky 'toilet paper.' We have been gulled, like the frog and the boiling water.

"Boiled frog?" you ask.

Indeed. The way to boil a frog is not to drop him into already boiling water. He'll jump out. The way to do it is to drop him in nice cool water and turn the heat on low. After a while you turn up the heat. Pretty soon the frog goes from enjoying a nice dip in a hot tub to being a French dude's meal.

That's what's happening in our country. We're about to the boiling point and the frogs are sitting around saying, "Gosh it's gotten toasty."

We need to find a way to get back that better bog roll government--the one which actually gets the job done without fraying to rags. To do that, we might have to sacrifice a little of the softness and security. We might have to step up and turn off the heat.

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