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A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi. (In front of you, a precipice. Behind you, wolves.)

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

What I Want to Hear

I've been contemplating a few things this season. It's been a difficult time. In life's roller coaster, this has been a plunge month. I fought it the whole way, railing against the status quo. I have wanted things to be different for a while. But if you expect different outcomes from doing the same thing, you're kicking holes in your own boat. Sometimes you have to come out of your Happy Place and let real life people step up to the plate.

So this is the thing I've been thinking about today, along with the ordinary feelings of annoyance at getting four hours of sleep on Christmas eve and cleaning up from the pageant and feast by myself:

What I would love to hear:

From my Husband:

-I want to hear that he can't live without me--that life would be empty and color-less without me.
-I want to know that he thinks I'm pretty in at least some way.
-"I'm so proud of you! You are so talented and you make our home glow with love and warmth and interesting things."
-"You add so much more to our lives than anything you do that is annoying."
-I want to hear that he understands me and cares about what I have to say.
-If I was down, he'd ask me how he could help.

From my children:

-"I love you, Mom. I appreciate all you do for us."
-"I've cleaned my room. Is there something else I can do to help?"
-"(Sister or Brother) and I are going outside to toss a ball (or practice a song together or any number of other things.)
-"Mom, you're right."
-"Can you show me how to do__________?"
-"I'm thankful for the things you teach me."
-"I'm so proud of my mom!"

From others:

-"That Heidi Murphy is a truly decent sort and a great friend."
-"Wow! That was a FANTASTIC book! I'm buying a few to give away and telling all my friends."
-NOT "I never knew you could draw, paint, write, or sing" (which is what I get all the time).

1 comment:

  1. I hear you, Heidi. I am the same way. I need to hear the words of affirmation!!! When I don't, it makes me sad. Have you read about the 5 languages of love? do a quick google search and they will pop up. Here they are:
    1. words of affirmation
    2. acts of service
    3. receiving gifts
    4. quality time
    5. physical touch
    For me, the most important ones are 1 and 4. As for how I show my love to others, for sure 3. So it is so hard for me to "get" people that communicate by 2 or 5!!! So what, you mowed the lawn for me? who cares! I need you to say I look pretty and I am a good writer. Seriously, read about the 5 languages and take the test (you take it both ways, as a giver and receiver). Now I understand my sister so much better (she does acts of service as her thing) and my husband too. Once you explain this to THEM then they can understand what YOU need (the words). They can't give you what they don't know you need.

    TELL THEM!!!!