Page the Second


A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi. (In front of you, a precipice. Behind you, wolves.)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Bacon Bikinis

What the schmoo is up with bacon these days? Everything is bacon, bacon, bacon. If I were a pig, I'd be absolutely pooping in my pen about now. Every time I turn around (maybe I should stop turning around since bad things happen when I do: kids grow up, another bill is overdue, more things go wrong with the car...you know the drill) there is yet another strange bacon-enhanced (?) food on the market.

Bacon chocolate bars? Really? Bacon on ice cream? Strange. Bacon jam? WHAT?

I'm not saying I don't like a crispy strip of deliciousness once in a blue moon. I do. But I'm also interested in not becoming one of those blimp balloons in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I've seen what those things do when they run into buildings and it isn't pretty.

I suppose the drive to over-gorge upon the flayed-from-the-hog flesh, the same impulse that causes us to take up wretched habits like nose-picking or smoking or licking the jam from between our toes. It is, however, our choice to do so. Luckily it's still legal. I applaud the ability, however unwise, to choose swine over rice cakes. I just wonder why it is we have such a dichotomy in this country.

On one hand we have the drive to force people to drop their superkeg of soda down the next manhole, while on the other hand there are those touting the bacon sun dress. What happened to a couple of slices of crispy bacon at the side of a plate of sunny side ups, a piece of toast, and a glass of O.J.?

Next thing you know they'll come out with bacon bikinis and we chubby piggies will be utterly and doubly doomed.

What? Lady Ga-Ga already did it? ROT!


  1. Mmmmmm....Bacon! And of course you know that Burger King has the bacon sundae. And about Lady what's her name, can't stand that woman, she has now twice had meat dresses.... could you imagine the smell? Ewwww...(buzzz)

  2. And bacon is not one of my favorite foods. Personally, some of these things--most of them really--make me gag.

    *gasp* I can be Lady Gag-Gag!

  3. Yup. My salty, crunchy snack of choice is corn nuts--unadulterated and in fairly small doses.

    And as for wearing bacon? Major ICK! Imagine the flies!

  4. Funny post! I don't think people realize how bacon really is for us! Even in toothpaste. Or in jam. Yuck!

    1. Cute blog. Most of my family loves bacon, but we eat turkey bacon. I don't care for any bacon on a sandwich except a good old blt. I do like it to season with, but that comes from being raised by southern parents. Everything was seasoned with bacon from collard greens to beans. Yummy!

  5. Even though I'm not a bacon lover, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog. I could even smell bacon as I read. Interesting.....

  6. I love Bacon, but usually just with breakfast food or on a cheeseburger. I decided to try the bacon Sundae at Burger King,out of curiosity. There are some things that bacon shouldn't be mixed with, it was really nasty.