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Deus volt; Deus mittit me.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Squandered

It's an ending day. And a beginning day. I asked my youngest today whether he felt he'd filled this year full enough with good things. He wants to change to another school so he can be with his friends. That's all he could think about.

I, on the other hand, think about this subject frequently. I know I don't fill up my year full enough with the right things. I waste too much time on trivialities and fluff. I know I'm doing it, and yet I can't seem to stop grasping at those stupidities that give me a temporary sense of accomplishment (like the card game Beleaguered Castles). I spent my middle daughter's whole babyhood playing on MUDs (Multi-User Dimension game--a text-based, coded game). I even coded for a MUD (wrote the code that makes the game work) for a little while.

It all came crashing down, though, when I realized I'd just squandered those precious hours for mental candy floss--gone with the first lick. Courtney's first steps were obscured by the need to kill another orc or figure out another quest. Sometimes I'd look up from a romp across whatever they called their country then, to see the sun beginning to paint the sky with the first golden gleam! I'd be horrified that I had played all night. And now...

Now I have nothing to show for all of those wasted hours.

I see my children doing the same thing. They'll even tell me to 'wait a minute' while they get to the next stopping place even though I tell them "It's a GAME for crying out loud!" They cannot see that they are throwing away this precious time hand over fist. This time while they are fit and lithe and young and lovely should be used for...LIFE.

But how can I tell them that when I still squander the hours I have left doing stupid things? Physician, heal thyself! Stand on your two legs and be a human instead of a thoughtless amoeba! Throw off the yoke of insipidity!

Now I'm getting off of here and only playing ONE game of Beleaguered Castles. Yeah. ONE.

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