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Monday, November 13, 2017

New Entry for Encyclopedia Murphanica

Every year on about November 11 the species Homo Sapiens Arizonus emerges from hibernation. Despite its baking habitat of sun, sand, and spikes, the species makes its way from dark, air-cooled holes and controlled habitats sporting a hide varying from blue-ish white to pale pink.

Upon entering the sun, said species applies a series of small swathes of material to its hide, and appliances called flip-flops to its feet, most likely to keep from getting third degree burns on the bottoms of its appendages, even as late as November. These bits of material and rubber are worn throughout the waking months. Also applied is a strange unguent which is said to keep the species from frying to a crisp in the strident rays of the sun.


Studies show that during hibernation the Homo Sapiens Arizonus gains several pounds per month, sometimes packing on one or two hundred pounds of blubberous fat in one hibernation. The female of the species then spends every waking moment bemoaning the fact of its gain.

Eyesight for this animal is rather weak after staring at screens of varying types for the entire hibernation. Upon emerging into bright sunlight, they apply dark lenses in order to keep from constant squinting.

Very few specimens emerge prematurely. Of those, the predominant action is to migrate north. Should you spot one of these elusive specimens, count yourself lucky.

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